I have studied for 124 consecutive days, without a single day off.
19 more to go.
I miss my family. I miss feeling like a good friend to someone. I miss not doing flashcards while I’m walking. I miss SLEEPING IN dear god I miss sleeping in.
For 2 years I wondered how I would be feeling in these moments right before STEP 1. I am feeling shockingly calm – probably because I’ve been anticipating it for so long. I feel burnt-out, yet somehow I still have fuel. I feel skeptical about the exam – I find myself scrutinizing every short simplification stamped into FirstAid, imagining the question-writers wringing their hands devising clever ways to trick us. I guess I just don’t know what to expect, and I don’t know whether all of this work will pay off.
But at the end of these 5 months, I will have accomplished my goal I set for myself – by far the most difficult task of dedication and resilience I have ever encountered.
I know, without a doubt, that I am capable of anything.
Here’s to –
being fearless in not knowing.
being fearless in failing.
being fearless in the moment,
regardless of the outcome.